“Getting cancer saved my life.”
June 26, 2023, written by Diane Benfield, DSW, LCSW
“Getting cancer saved my life,” ‘Sam’ whispered at the opening of our first session. He went on to
explain that he had not even realized he had “not really been living” prior to the unexpected
diagnosis. Life had become a routine exercise of “going through the motions” without awareness of its
brevity. Time passed blithely by day after day, year after year, decade after decade. Until learning of his
advanced cancer, Sam admitted he was on autopilot hardly noticing he had entered the third
quarter of his life – meaning there was more life behind him than there was ahead. It wasn’t until his
late 60’s that Sam awoke to the reality that his days on this earth were numbered. Cancer got his
attention.
As a psychotherapist who has specialized in working with cancer patients since 2018, I have met more
“Sams” since then than I can count. I was new to the oncology space when Sam told me that cancer
saved his life, and it really took me aback. At the time, I knew very little about the myriad cancer
diagnoses and treatment regimens. I was on a very steep learning curve, and I had a mind full of cancer-
story stereotypes and misinformation. In the last five years, however, I eschewed everything I thought I
knew about cancer. My patients are teaching me the truth about living with cancer that you don’t
often hear about in the world. Obviously, patients share about the terrible lows, the shock, the dark
despair of receiving the initial diagnosis and treatment plan, and of course, the brutal treatments. I expected that.
I was somewhat ready for that, although it never gets easier. It seems that all patients must first pass through
an ominous and painful valley of the soul. But, what I didn’t know was, amazingly, most do not stay there. My
patients teach me that the journey through the valley of the shadow of death, as awful as it is, is often
followed by unexpected “blessings” and is a prerequisite to the discovery of a new
perception of self, time, and other people. The valley and the struggle to trudge through it creates a secret
portal that each patient discovers, and most bravely enter. On the other side, they see an unfamiliar
vista replete with unexpected gratitude, forgiveness, peace, and strength. The struggle to endure the trauma of
cancer births a brand-new creature – a stronger, softer, kinder, gentler, and more loving, generous and
accepting self. What I wasn’t expecting were the scores of “Sams” who have sat opposite me talking
about the “unexpected blessings” in their lives since getting diagnosed with cancer. I mean, who would
have even thought this was possible?? This side of cancer so gripped me that I decided to devote my
doctoral studies to exploring this paradoxical phenomenon known as posttraumatic growth.
The theory of Posttraumatic Growth (PTG) was developed by Tedeschi and Calhoun in the 90’s to
describe the inexplicable personal growth that most people who suffer and struggle through earth-
shattering traumas and tragedies experience. Tedeschi and Calhoun’s PTG research data revealed that
posttraumatic growth was evidenced in five discrete domains of human life: gaining a deeper
appreciation of life, improved relationships, development of personal inner strength, the
ability to see new possibilities in life, and deepening spiritual growth. The patient’s experience of grappling with
their trauma is the prerequisite to the individual’s growth in some or all of the five PTG domains.
I have observed this in most of my cancer patients with my own eyes.
The burgeoning research literature connects PTG to many other populations as well, such as police officers, first
responders, survivors of violence and natural disasters, and even Holocaust survivors. PTG describes growth that goes
beyond resilience. It is not only “bouncing back,” it is forging new ground. I have always
been drawn to the “silver lining” of man’s suffering, probably because of my own experience with it.
Many good things emerged from the ashes of my pain that I had not anticipated. In fact, long
before I ever heard of PTG, I made a point to recommend Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning to
many of my patients to learn how one man metabolized his untold suffering to go on to live a long and
productive life after the hell of Auschwitz. One of the greatest paradoxes I have discovered in working with
cancer patients over the last five years is - confronting one’s death creates a deeper appreciation of life.
No one wants to hear they have cancer. No one asks for suffering. Yet, suffering and illness are
universal, inevitable, and terrifying realities of the human condition. No one escapes suffering. But, the
good news about suffering is that much good can flow from it if we don’t give up in the valley of the
shadow of death. There are blessings on the other side that only come into view as we move forward
through the pain, one day at a time, with the help of loving and trusted others.
